


You'll Float, Too

by mahbecks



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Ardyn Turns into Pennywise, But He Isn't a Clown, Crack, Explicit Language, Gen, He's Just Sewer Trash, Humor, Inappropriate Use of Cleaning Products, Too Much Pine-Sol, absolute garbage, halloween fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-27 16:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12585492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahbecks/pseuds/mahbecks
Summary: “Okay, hold up a second,” Prompto interjected. “You two knew there was some weird old guy living in the sewers? ...and this doesn’t weird you out?”“His name is Ardyn,” Noctis supplied. "Ardyn Izunia.""Rumor has it, he was once a member of the royal family," Ignis added. "But he was cursed, and when the people who once loved him grew to fear him, he retreated deep into the sewers, never to return to the surface."Except, it seemed, to heckle the innocent people who passed him by.-OR, the story in which Ardyn haunts the sewers of Insomnia, Prompto loses his phone, and Ignis displays a little too much enthusiasm for cleaning products.A Halloween crack fic, inspired by "It" and not meant to be taken too seriously!





	You'll Float, Too

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just gonna go ahead and preemptively apologize for this, lmao, lord have mercy
> 
> But I wanted to do something vaguely spoopy (mostly ridiculous, lmao, let's be real) and I've been passing this stupid-ass idea around since I saw the movie in theaters.
> 
> Happy Halloween! :)

Prompto couldn't quite believe his luck.

Sure, Noctis was rich. Like, really, _really_ rich. And he was nice, super nice, one of the nicest people Prompto had ever met, if you took the time to get to know him. But doing something like this? Not even for his birthday or anything, but just out of the blue?

Prompto smiled, happiness threatening to bubble up out of his chest in the form of a joyful whoop.

The phone in his hand was state of the art, brand new, easily worth thousands of gil. It had one of those new high resolution screens, with more memory space than his computer. But the best part was obviously the camera. Featuring twelve megapixels - _twelve!_ \- and a one-point-eight aperture wide angle lens, it could zoom in up to five times. And that didn't even mention all of the apps and special filters he could buy to spruce his photos up a bit!

He was so stoked to try it out. Maybe he'd even get Noct to pose for a pic or two - he'd bitch, sure, but Prompto was pretty sure he could cajole his friend into it.

Not today though - it was raining, hard, his shoes soaked clean through, and he didn't want to ruin the phone before he even got to use it.

It said water resistant on the packaging, but he didn't want to push his luck.

Prompto suddenly lurched forward, tripping over a rock he hadn't noticed while he was admiring his new present. “Crap!” he yelped, arms flailing wildly as he tried to regain his balance. In the process, the phone went flying out of his hands, plunking down into the water making its way downhill to the nearest sewer.

He chased after it as fast as he could, panicked. But the current was moving quickly, and he couldn't run as well as he normally would because of all the extra water sloshing around his feet. Within moments, his precious gift had disappeared down into the drain.

“Aw, man!”

Prompto dropped to his hands and knees, looking down into the flooded grate for any sign of his phone. It was too dark to see anything, though, and the water was swirling fast. It was likely long gone, swept away to who knew where.

He groaned, sitting back on his heels.

Why did this kind of stuff only happen to him? He managed to get lucky - for once, _one_ time in his life - and then his happened?’

Not cool.

 _So_ unfair.

And worse, this was something Noct had given him. Prompto felt terrible that he'd lost it; gods, he hadn't even managed to keep it for a day!

He hoped Noct wouldn't be too mad. His old phone was, well, _really_ old, but he could live with it. Knowing he'd upset his best friend, though, that was a lot worse - especially when he'd gone out of his way to do something so _kind._

Prompto sighed in defeat. Well, no use sitting here in the rain getting soaked. The phone wasn't coming back.

He had just made to get up and resume his trek home, where he could get out of his nasty, wet jeans, when he noticed a pair of red-ringed, yellow eyes staring at him out of the sewer.

Wait.

_Eyes?_

“Hello there!”

Prompto yelped again, throwing himself backwards as the eyes became a face, their color darkening to a more normal honey hue. It was a man’s face, not one belonging to an animal, as he'd initially guessed, a handsome face, even, if a bit scruffy, sitting underneath a ratty, wide brimmed hat.

“My dear boy, is this yours?”

To Prompto’s immense surprise, the man held up his phone, looking undamaged for all that it had fallen into the water and slipped into the sewers.

“Hey, my phone! Awesome, man, you caught it!” Prompto reached forward, hand outstretched.

The man looked down at the phone in his hand, and then back up at Prompto. “I’ll have you know, I was just standing here, minding my own business, when it came and fell right atop my head,” he sighed. “Rather rude, I should say. What _were_ you doing with it?”

“I dropped it,” Prompto said sheepishly. “The water swept it away.”

“You _dropped_ it?” He made a tutting noise. “Oh, that won’t do. That won’t do at all.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Prompto interjected. “I must’ve tripped over a rock or something, and it just kind of fell out of my hands.”

“Careless.” The man tucked the phone in close to his chest, slipping it inside one of his tattered coat’s pockets. “I think I shall keep it, for now, then - to ensure it’s safety, of course.”

Prompto blinked. “But it’s mine.”

The man tilted his head to the side. “And you want it back, is that it?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“You don’t sound very sure.”

“Yes, I want it back-“

“And I hardly think it wise to give it back to you if you’re just going to go _dropping_ it again.”

“I told you, that was an accident!”

“The poor little device is going to think you don’t like it!”

“It's just a phone?”

“You’ll hurt its feelings!”

“I... really don’t know what to say to that.”

“You could apologize to it.” Out of nowhere, the phone was in the man’s hands again, turned over and over in his long, slim fingers. “I think it would like that. Would you, dear one?” He held the phone up to his ears, as if he could hear it, and nodded, eyes flicking back to Prompto. “It demands your remorse!”

Prompto stared.

Was this guy for real? Like, for real, for real? Because honestly, Prompto was getting a real stranger danger vibe here, and he had a feeling things would only get weirder if he kept this conversation going.

Okay. Time to get out of dodge.

He stood, pushing himself to his feet. “You know what? You keep that, man. I’m good.”

“And now he’s discarded you,” the man said, clicking his tongue. “Abuse _and_ abandonment. For shame, Prompto.”

Prompto froze, his blood turning to ice in his veins.

“I… never told you my name,” he said slowly.

The man smiled. “Of course you didn’t,” he said. “I already knew it.”

“How?”

“Oh, I know everyone’s name,” the man replied. “I make it my business to know all the people living in my kingdom. Naturally - what sort of king would I be if I didn’t know my subjects?”

“King?” Prompto let out a nervous laugh, taking a few steps backwards. “You think you’re a king?”

“Think?” the man repeated, sounded offended. “I _know,_ my dear boy!” He huffed. “I should think after a thousand years, people would know the name of their king. Don’t you think so, Pookie?”

“Pookie? You mean… you mean the phone?”

“Of course,” the man said flatly. “What were you going to name it?”

“...Hadn’t given it much thought, honestly.”

Again, the man clicked his tongue, this time accompanying the noise with a shake of his head. “Youth these days,” he muttered, in a whisper meant to carry. “You see, Pookie? No respect. In my day, people had manners! You’re much better off with me, I think, than this boy here. You agree? Oh, splendid!”

“Okay, no offense meant, but you are really starting to freak me out,” Prompto said.

“Why!” the man said, holding a hand to his chest. “How rude!”

“I think I’m just gonna… y’know… leave-”

Seizing his chance, Prompto darted away, dashing down the street back towards the Citadel.   

* * * * *

“Huh?”

“I’m so sorry, Noct, I swear, I didn’t mean to lose it,” Prompto gushed, nervously wringing his hands in the towel Ignis had brought him to help him dry off. “It just kinda fell outta my hands, and there was all that water, and I couldn’t move super fast, and-”

Noctis shook his head, cutting him off with a gesture. “No, that’s not - there was a _man_? In the sewers?”

Prompto blinked. “Uh, yeah?” He chuckled weakly, running a hand through his damp hair. “He had reddish hair, and weird eyes, and he had _really_ bad taste in clothes, and this weird, little hat... Look, I know it sounds dumb-“

Noctis ignored him, turning to Ignis. “What d’you think, Specs? Is it him?”

Ignis pursed his lips, giving Noctis a terse nod. “So it seems,” he said quietly. “I can think of no one else who would be lurking in the sewers.”

“Wait, what?”

They were taking this… surprisingly well. A little _too_ well, if you asked Prompto. His eyes narrowed in suspicion, and he listened carefully as his friends spoke, intent on getting to the bottom of things.

“I’m surprised he’s come out of hiding,” Noctis said, ignoring Prompto. “He hasn’t been seen in, what, three years?”

“Prompto must have stumbled upon his current lair.”

“Bad luck,” Noct agreed.

“Or, perhaps, good fortune. If we act quickly, we can use Prompto’s knowledge to our advantage. We may even be able to catch him and throw him out of the city for good.”

“While he’s still weak,” Noct added, nodding, “You know he hates rain.”

Ignis smirked at him. “Something the two of you have in common, it would seem.”

Noctis made a face at his advisor. “It messes up my hair,” he retorted.

“A true travesty,” Ignis said solemnly.

“Oh, bite me.”

“Okay, hold up a second,” Prompto interjected. Both of them turned towards him, nearly identical frowns on their faces. “You two knew there was some weird old guy living in the sewers?”

“Uh, yeah?” Noctis replied, at the same time that Ignis murmured an, “Of course, Prompto.”

“...and this doesn’t weird you out?”

“Well, I’d certainly prefer he _not_ live there,” Ignis said, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “But he’s rather crafty. The Crown has been searching for him for decades and never managed to capture him.”

“His name is Ardyn,” Noctis supplied. He sat down, crossing his arms over his chest. “Rumor has it he was once a member of the royal family, but something went wrong and he was cursed.”

“The people who had once loved him began to hate him,” Ignis added. “They scorned him, rejecting his aid for fear of being cursed themselves, and so he fled, retreating down into the sewers where he’s lived ever since.”

“Every now and then, we get a report of weird activity down where the sewer drains are,” Noctis continued. “But by the time a team can get there, he’s vanished. Last time we managed to get close enough to try and grab him was...what, Specs, twenty years ago?”

“The Marshal led the attack himself,” Ignis said, nodding. “But it was all for naught, I fear. Ardyn is very clever, and he knows those sewers like the back of his hand. Perhaps it was for the best, though - rumor has it, he's incredibly strong, and if he truly is a scion of the royal house, he can use the Crystal’s magic just as His Majesty can. Even Cor would have been no match for him.”

Prompto scrunched his face up in a grimace. Cor Leonis was probably the best fighter he knew - and that included Gladio and his father, who had literally been training for just that since they were toddlers. If he couldn’t take this Ardyn guy down… well, maybe he’d not had a lot of backup. Maybe he’d just needed a support team! That had to be the reason why they’d not defeated creepy sewer guy.

Right?

The reminder that this guy lived in the pipes underneath the city - like, literally, _lived_ there, like some kind of rat - made him sick to his stomach, and he made a face. “Ew.”

Ignis raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“Ew,” Prompto repeated. “Like, that’s so gross, dude.”

“Because of where he lives? The Insomnian sewer system is really quite remarkable, Prompto, a feat of engineering quite advanced for the time of its making-“

“It’s poopwater, Iggy!”

Ignis cleared his throat. “Ah, well. Yes, I suppose it is.”

“And this guy sleeps in it! He sleeps in _literal_ poop!”

Noct snickered into his hand, but Ignis was still taking him seriously. “It’s a bit of a mess,” he agreed. “Hence why we want to get him out of there and somewhere he can be contained.”

“...is that even safe? He's probably a biohazard, at this point.”

“Hmm. You may have a point.” Ignis considered this for a second, and then snapped his fingers, an idea brightening his eyes. He turned, heading for one of Noct’s closets, throwing open the door and searching amongst the shelves. “No matter! I believe I have the just the thing… ah! Here!” He pulled out a bright yellow bottle, an amber liquid swirling around inside.

“Oh god,” Noct yelped, jerking away from the bottle in Ignis’ hands. “You’re gonna bring _that_ stuff?”

“If anything can clean Ardyn Izunia’s act up, it’s this,” Ignis replied, hefting like the bottle like it was some sort of treasure. 

“Just keep it away from me,” Noct muttered, eyeing the bottle warily. “Last time you used that shit, I smelled like a forest’s asshole for weeks.”

Ignis sighed, coming over to rejoin them. “It's perfectly pleasant, Noct - I find the scent rather soothing, to be honest. And I don’t believe forests have assholes, but if they did, I hardly think they’d smell like artificially manufactured pine needles.”

“What else would they smell like, then?”

“Any other asshole, perhaps?”

“Okay one, gross. Two, forests don’t shit, so they can’t smell like shit. Try again, Specs.”

“This is ridiculous, Noct-“

Prompto frowned, ignoring his friends’ bickering as he stepped forward to get a better look at the spray bottle in Ignis’ hands. “Pine-sol,” he read. “Huh. What is this stuff, anyways?”

“A cleaning solution,” Ignis replied. “It smells like pine trees. See?” He twisted the lid, shooting Noct a glare when the latter covered his head with a blanket. Prompto didn’t really get why - until he leaned over and took a big whiff.

He coughed, backing away, eyes watering at the heavy chemical scent. “Oh my gods!” he yelped, waving the air out from beneath his nose. “What is that?!”

“As I said-“

“It’s death,” Noct’s muffled voice supplied from under the blanket. “Death to all your nose cells. Death in a little yellow bottle-“

“That’s rather dramatic, don’t you think?”

“Hey, we aren’t all immune to isopropyl alcohol-“

“I’m surprised you know what this is.”

“Oh, fuck you-“

“There, I’ve screwed the lid back on. Now, will you come out from under that blanket and stop being ridiculous?”

“No.”

“Noctis-“

“Make some popcorn or something, it’ll kill the smell.”

Ignis shook his head, exasperated, but he made his way into the kitchen just the same, bending over to retrieve a bag of microwave popcorn out of one of the cabinets. Noctis waited until the scent of fake butter had filled the room before cautiously poking his head out from under the blanket, still eyeing Ignis suspiciously.

Prompto, who’d opened a window to let some fresh air in, couldn’t help but smile. Noct could be odd sometimes, and more than a little whiny, but most of the time he was just freaking cute. He’d deny it, stick his lower lip out and pout. Which, of course, only made him even more adorable.

Prompto had the pictures to prove it.

Finished with the microwave, Ignis set a bowl of popcorn on Noct’s coffee table, sitting down across from him with a stern look. “Now that that’s taken care of,” he said, “Might we discuss what to do about Ardyn? Instead of how much we loathe certain cleaning products that have done nothing to harm us?”

“ _Nothing?!_ ” Noctis spluttered. “I-“

“Dude, come on,” Prompto said, plopping down onto the couch beside his friend and taking a handful of popcorn. “It’s not that bad.”

Noct looked betrayed. “You too?” he whined. Sure enough, he followed his question up with a pout, poking his lower lip out as he stole a couple of Prompto’s pieces, popping them into his mouth. “Fine. We can discuss it. I guess.”

“Good. Now, if we’re really going to do this, I believe the four of us should be accompanied by someone who’s done this before. The Marshal and Gladio’s father would be ideal candidates, if they aren’t terribly busy with their duties. Thoughts?”

“Sounds smart,” Prompto replied, nodding.

“Sure.”

“Less than helpful, Noct.”

“I try.”

“I’ll call Gladio and ask him to pick up some more cleaning supplies on his way over here. We'll need all that we can get.”

“What, you were serious about like, disinfecting this guy?”

“Quite,” Ignis said.

“Uh… so do we clean him up before or after we fight him, then?”

“If we're lucky, the mere presence of the Pine-sol will cow him,” Ignis replied. “As well as aiding in the cleansing process, he has a bit of a fear of the stuff, you see. We discovered it a few years ago, when a shipment was accidentally knocked into the river that feeds the sewers.”

“He pitched a fiiiiiiiiit,” Noctis added. “Right underneath the Citadel, too. You couldn’t go in the basement’s bathrooms without hearing his bitching through the pipes.”

“It was… unpleasant.”

“...you guys realize how insane this sounds, right?”

“Absolutely.”

“Totally.”

“...okay. Long as you’re aware, I guess?”

“So Gladio buys the Pine-sol, I call up Cor and Clarus and Dad-“

“Noct, I hardly think this the sort of thing His Majesty needs to be bothered with-“

“Bullshit, you know he goes everywhere Clarus goes-“

“And he isn’t exactly in fighting condition anymore.”

Noctis considered this, and then gave a small nod of concession. “Okay, just the six of us then. What’s the plan, Iggy?”

“We infiltrate the sewers, heading towards the area Ardyn was last seen. As a group, we approach him, Pine-sol at the ready. The goal will be to surround him and take him by surprise. If he feels threatened and attacks, we fight. Otherwise, we do _not_ engage. Our goal is to capture him and take him away. Understood?”

“Got it!”

“Got it.”

“If there _is_ to be fighting, let Gladio, Cor, and I handle it,” Ignis added. “We can serve as a distraction while Clarus escorts the two of you to safety.”

“What? I’m not gonna run away!”

“You most certainly will.”

Noctis sat up a little straighter in his seat, determined. “No. I’m not gonna run away from a fight.”

Ignis hefted the bottle of Pine-sol, one finger landing on the trigger as he pointed it at Noctis. “Don’t make me do it, Noct,” he said sternly.

Noct shot him a horrified look. “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, but I would, if it would prevent you from plunging needlessly into danger.”

They stared at each other, neither giving an inch, for several long minutes. Prompto wondered what was more likely - Ignis _actually_ spraying his charge with cleaning agents, or Noctis blatantly disobeying his retainers’ attempts to keep him safe from a crazy hermit who lived in the sewers. He’d just decided his money was on Ignis when Noctis gave up, deflating and sinking back into his blanket cocoon, scowling in Ignis’ direction.

“...dammit, Specs.”

Ignis nodded in satisfaction, once more setting the  Pine-sol aside. “You’ll thank me when you make it out of the sewers unharmed.”

Noct snorted.

Prompto chuckled nervously, taking another handful of popcorn. “This is so weird,” he said. “You two - _weird.”_

Ignis just sighed, pulling out his phone and bringing it up to his ear. “Sadly, this is hardly the strangest interaction we’ve had,” he said. “Remember the watermelon?”

“I told you,” Noct huffed, “that _wasn’t_ what it looked like.”

“Oh? So you weren’t masturbating with a rather round member of the melon family-“

“Shit, Specs, _no-“_

“Okay, now I’m just curious.”

“No, no way,” Noct said, “No way in _hell_ am I telling that story.”

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?”

Prompto put on his best puppy-dog face, clasping his hands in front of him and sticking his lip out. He even batted his eyes a few times for good measure.

Noct made a contemptuous noise, but gave in anyways. “Ugh, fine.” He sent Ignis a glare. “I hate you so much.”

Ignis just smiled at him.“As always, your affection is touching, Highness.”

* * * * *

“This is stupid.”

“You’re stupid.”

Gladio snorted. “Great retort, Noct, real clever.”

“Will the both of you be quiet?” Ignis sighed. “We'll never manage to sneak up on Ardyn if you keep making so much noise.”

“He started it.”

“And I’m ending it,” Cor snapped, stalking a few feet ahead of them. He muttered something under his breath, and behind them, Clarus laughed.

“What’d he say?” Gladio asked.

“Hmm? How should I know?” his father shot back.

“You laughed.”

“So? I laugh at a great number of things. You included.”

In the dim light, Prompto saw Gladio shake his head, moving away from his father to stand next to Ignis.

“Must you get so close to me?” Ignis demanded.

“Can’t protect you from ten feet back.”

“You’re supposed to protect Noct.”

“What if I wanna do both?”

“Gladio-“

Whatever Ignis’ response was, it was drowned out by a sudden laugh. All of them tensed, their bottles of Pine-sol at the ready as they whirled about to try and find the source of the noise.

“Do come in!”

Cor pointed up ahead; Prompto could just make out what looked like a doorway leading to a taller passageway. “In there,” he said. “That’s where we’ll find him.”

“Mmm.” Clarus stepped forward warily. “I don’t like this - only one way in and out. Thoughts?”

“Ignis and I will should take point,” Cor replied. “We’re the fastest. Gladio can come next. The three of us will try to surround him, take him by surprise. If possible, don’t give him a chance to use magic. That’s what got us last time.”

“And me?”

“You stay back to guard the prince and Prompto.”

“Oh, there’s no need for that!” Ardyn’s voice had a sing-song quality to it, and it was growing louder. “We’re all friends here - aren’t we?”

Gladio grumbled something under his breath, but it was lost in the splashing of sewer water as Cor stomped forward, Ignis at his side. Prompto grimaced as his feet were once more plunged into cold, dirty water. He’d have to remember to give these shoes a good wash when he got home - right after he showered. The clothes, too - at one point they’d been submerged nearly up to their chests. The smell had been nearly enough to bring even Gladio to his knees, but they’d persevered. They’d come this far, after all. It’d be a shame to give up at the first sign of - well, shit.

Something squelched beneath his feet, followed by the crunch of what sounded suspiciously like bone, and Prompto let out a little whimper.

Maybe it’d be better just to burn everything. Yeah, burning sounded good.

The doorway opened up into a wide, circular room filled with all sorts of trash. It was piled high in some places, leaning back against cold, grey walls.

“What is this place?” Prompto asked, looking away in bewilderment. “Where’d this come from?”

“Oh, yeah,” Noctis replied, “Ardyn hordes.” He lifted an eyebrow. “Didn’t we mention that?”

“...but Noct, this is trash.”

“It’s _treasure!”_

Ardyn swooped down from wherever he’d been hiding, landing in front of them. He swept the ratty hat from his head, sinking into a bow. When he straightened, Prompto was surprised to see a smile on his face.

It was almost like he’d been expecting them.

“ _Trash,”_  he scoffed. “I’ll forgive that minor slight - just this once, of course, because I like you." He spun around with a flourish, brandishing his hands at the mounds upon mounds of trash. "Would you care to come in? I’m afraid you’re a little late for tea, but I’ll see what I can do.”

“No, thank you,” Ignis said stiffly. “I’m afraid we haven’t time.”

“Oh?” Ardyn turned around, taking a seat in a tattered old armchair with one arm missing. He propped his chin up on his hand, looking up at them with a smirk on his face. “Well, if it wasn't for tea, what did you come for, then?”

Prompto stepped forward, swallowing back his nervousness. “I, uh, wanted to get my phone back,” he said.

Ardyn’s face lit up. ”Pookie?” He slipped a hand inside his coat pocket, retrieving Prompto’s phone and dangling it in front of his face. “But we’ve been so happy together. Isn’t that right, Pookie?” He paused, as if the phone was speaking to him. “That was a yes,” he informed Prompto solemnly.

“It doesn’t belong to you,” Ignis said.

“Finders, keepers,” Ardyn murmured, “losers, weepers - isn’t that the children all say nowadays?”

“What do you even need a phone for, anyway?” Noctis asked. “Who’re you gonna call?”

“The reception is dreadful,” Ardyn allowed. “But I do have contacts who need apprising."

“Apprising?” Cor demanded. “Apprising of what?”

Ardyn’s eyes flicked over to Cor, and his grin widened. “Oh, sweet Lion’s Heart!” he cried. “You just couldn’t stay away, could you! You know," he added, "If _you_ were to call me, I'd keep  _you_ apprised of my goings on. Anything for you, dearest.”

Cor just glared at him.

“Touching, truly,” Ardyn cooed. “But we can catch up and exchange pleasantries later - for now, I have a question for you.”

They waited with bated breath, bottles at the ready should Ardyn attempt anything.

“There were six of you when you came in, and yet I see only five of you. Tell me - where is the sixth? Where has the muscular one gone?”

An arm wrapped around Ardyn’s neck, spray bottle of Pine-sol pointed straight at his temple.

“Here,” Gladio said.   

“What is - oh, you devils!” Ardyn surged forward, trying to get away, but Gladio held him fast. “Heathens! Ingrates! Fools!”

“Oh, shove it,” Gladio snarled, pulling the trigger and squirting Ardyn right in the face.

He screamed. “My eyes! Oh, my poor, sorry eyes!”

Cor leapt forward, grabbing the handcuffs he’d grabbed from the Citadel before they’d left. They were special, he’d said, capable of absorbing and diffusing the Crystal’s magic in case a monarch had ever turned into a tyrant. They’d never been used, he’d been quick to tell Prompto, but having them was reassuring for a good number of the nobility.

And, Prompto thought, they were coming in handy now.

The two of them managed to wrestle Ardyn to the ground, and Ignis cuffed him, twisting his hands behind his back. Seething, he looked up at them, lips peeled back to bare his teeth, murder in his eyes.

Or maybe that was the Pine-sol.

Seeing his chance, Prompto darted forward and grabbed his phone. It was easy enough to nab, and he was quick to pocket it so he wouldn’t lose it again.

“Well done, Gladio,” Ignis said, nodding. “Even I was startled by your approach.”

Gladio grinned. “Thanks, Iggy - took a few notes outta your book.

“Did you now?” Ignis eyed him. “Impressive.”

“Oh, quit flirting,” Noct grunted. He knelt down, looking at Ardyn curiously. Ardyn stared back, still openly glaring at the lot of them. “What are we gonna do with him?”

“For now, we’ll take him back to the holding cells,” Cor replied.

“Reggie’ll know what to do with him,” Clarus added.

Ardyn snorted derisively. “Your pathetic excuse for a king will set me free,” he said. “His pity demands it. And when he does - I know exactly where I’ll go.”

Noctis blinked. “Is that a threat?”

Ardyn scowled. “It’s a _promise,_ young prince-”

“Because it’s not a very good one.”

Ardyn snarled at him, lunging forward, teeth snapping. Only Gladio's considerable weight keep them back. "You little piece of filth-"

"It's the hat, I think. Too..." Noct vaguely waved a hand, unable to come up with the word. “Meh.”

That, it seemed, was enough to startled Ardyn into silence. Noct rose to his feet, dusting off his hands. “Let’s go,” he said. “This place is gross.” As if that settled things, he turned on his heel and walked away.

It probably did, now that Prompto thought about it. Noct _was_ royalty, after all.

With a shrug, he set off after his friend, catching up to him just as they passed back out into the main sewer pipe. “Hey,” he said, nudging Noct’s shoulder.

“Hey,” Noct shot back, grinning at him.

“Thanks for that.”

Noctis blinked. “For what?”

“For helping me get my phone back,” Prompto replied. “Aaaaaaaand for not being mad when I told you I lost it.”

“‘Course not,” Noct said. “It’s just a phone, Prom. I wouldn’t get mad at you about something like that.”

“It’s _not_ just a phone,” Prompto insisted. “It’s…”

Noctis smiled at him - _really_ smiled, the one he seemed to reserve only for Prompto, for these little moments they shared. “Yeah?”

Prompto nodded, more meaning in that one little word than in anything else he’d said all day. Feeling bold, he reached out and caught his friend’s hand, tangling their fingers together.

“Yeah.”

They stood there for a moment, only breaking apart when their friends caught up to them, Ardyn sullenly walking in the middle.

Noct nodded his head towards the dim circle of light at the end of the passageway, back towards the outside world. “Pizza and games at my place?”  

Prompto grinned, nodding.

“You’re on!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this little piece of trash :)
> 
> Feedback is most welcome and appreciated! It's what keeps me going :)


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